This is a truly inspiring story – shared on Facebook by a young mother I know personally in our local community. She writes…
I would like to share an amazing thing that happened yesterday.
My seven year old was upsetting my 4 year old. He said things to her that made her very sad and she was crying. I asked him to stop but he didn’t, he kept making fun of her. I held myself back from shouting at him. I kept thinking in my head, moments of conflict are opportunities for growth. For my own growth and that of my kids. So I said to my son, “come here, I want to show you something.”
At first he was very apprehensive about coming to me. It took me two or three times to say, “come, come, I want you to see something,” until he finally came over. I was standing behind my daughter who was sitting on a bench. I said to him, “come sit next to your sister.” He sat, but didn’t look at her. I said, “now turn around and look at your sister.” He turned and looked at her. I said to him, “what do you see?” He looked embarrassed and said “I see tears.” Then I turned to her and said, “what do you see?” She said, “I see he is smiling.”
I knew that my job here was done simply by the looks on their faces. What sunk in for them was an understanding that their actions have the ability to upset another. He then, on his own said, “I’m sorry” to his sister. He hugged her. She made a joke and then they were both laughing together.
For me the biggest tip in parenting is to believe that intrinsically your child is the most special and caring being. Their actions are not always a reflection of who they truly are. In that moment of conflict I could have said to my child, “you are so mean, how can you say that? You are naughty, you don’t care about your sister.” But all those things are false. My role as a parent is to show my child what they are not seeing in that moment!
My child, in that moment of conflict, did not see how much his words hurt his sister. And more than that, he forgot in that moment how much he truly loved her. But when I asked him to sit directly opposite her, the fight was over.
Which conflicts do we avoid sitting directly opposite from? Are we nervous of seeing the situation other than from our own perspective? It’s not always about the facts. It’s often about the feeling.
Thank you for this. There’s hope for the world!